she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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