your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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