Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised