they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
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Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
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She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky