My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made