May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.