need another drink. this is the easiest way
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space