sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
