Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You're a waste of cheezeits
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
