Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
