One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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