i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
