aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
