Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
