I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
