My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
