I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
