She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
