i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
