i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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