We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
