Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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