watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
