why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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