I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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