alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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