so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
