Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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