mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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