Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
3 2 1 whiskey
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
