Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
