he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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