I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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