I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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