he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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