That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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