I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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