I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
