Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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