you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Randomize
