I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
