omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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