last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize