Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
