How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
