I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
