so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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