Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
