You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
