Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize