he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
