no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
