Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
