I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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