I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
