I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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