Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
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You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
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didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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