She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
