She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
