I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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