She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
