This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
