I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
