chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
