Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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