It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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