I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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