You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
