Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
