i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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