one two three fourrrrnication!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
