Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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