I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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