Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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