god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize