There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The air was thick with penises
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
